OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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