bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
