she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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