dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this boner is exhausting
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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