How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
