I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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