I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
