Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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