Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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