There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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