Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
