dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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