I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i barfeds in our rink
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
