Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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