i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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