i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
