Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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