He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
