Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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