WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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