Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
