So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
