if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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