On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
