I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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