Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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