I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
