I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
