im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
