This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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