I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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