if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize