Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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