i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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