Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
