the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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