Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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