I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
