my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
