cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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