I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
