Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
