I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
