Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
