Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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