i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
