is your mom at the bar?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh god it's open bar.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
