I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are we still banned from the library?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize