Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
