Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
