I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
