I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
