I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
