I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
