ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Too much gin, very little bucket
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
