i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
