youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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