Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
