on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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