All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
