Have you finally orgasmed yet?
her vagine was all disorganized.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
